Live & Uncorked with The Thirsty Traveler and The Surreal Gourmet
Without television cameras on them, Food Network stars tend to let loose a little. Londoners found this out firsthand when Bob Blumer and Kevin Brauch rolled into town for their Live & Uncorked tour, giving us a taste of some high-energy antics with food and drink not seen on their TV shows. Blumer and Brauch have both been fixtures on Food Network since its inception and the live performance was advertised as an irreverent, behind-the-scenes look at their culinary careers. If this performance were ever to air on television, there would be plenty of censoring – the alcohol was flowing generously, the four-letter words were flying freely, and there was even a titillating video display of Blumer making S’more shooters with a topless woman in a see-through apron on the Naked News. Not your typical Food Network stuff.
Brauch started the show by entering to the Star Wars theme song, draped in a Jagermeister cape, with a Budweiser in hand. He stumbled toward the stage, assuring the crowd it was only his first beer of the night, apologizing that there wasn’t much of a script for his portion of the show. But his track record as an ad-lib performer speaks for itself. After years of tending bar to support himself through journalism school, Brauch first landed in the television circuit on educational children’s shows and gardening shows, even winning some Gemini awards along the way. In 2001 he became a professional drinker as The Thirsty Traveler and is now in syndication in over 70 countries (which happens to be roughly the number of countries he has visited for the show). His fame skyrocketed as he traveled the world sampling alcohol from different cultures, everything from screech in Newfoundland to raki in Istanbul. Now he also holds the title of floor reporter on the very popular Iron Chef America alongside the likes of Mario Batali and Bobby Flay – “a veritable pantheon of culinary giants,” as the host of the show, Alton Brown, recites during the introduction of every episode.
Far away from the flashiness of Kitchen Stadium, in the lower level of Centennial Hall, Brauch explained some of the props he had on stage, including several open bottles of hard liquor, as he offered shots of Victoria gin, Iceberg vodka, and Jager to the crowd. He then pulled out a bottle of Champagne and a large knife, hoping he wasn’t setting himself up for “a Carrot Top skit gone awry.” But he successfully demonstrated sabrage (the ceremonious technique of opening a bottle of Champagne by sliding a knife along the body and cleanly separating the cork and the collar from the neck). And I should mention that he did this between his legs, while blindfolded. Just to show off.
As someone who will not shy away from drinking anything the world has to offer, it’s hard to tell if he has a favourite drink, as he pounded back beer, champagne, gin, whiskey, and vodka throughout the evening. Given such an exhibition of alcohol mixing, one audience member was compelled to ask if he had a cure for hangovers, Brauch replied, “Denial and voodoo.” If all the regular stuff like water and exercise don’t work, he suggested that chasing a chicken around a yard to use in a voodoo ritual will surely make you feel better. If not, then just keep denying it. And if none of that works, someone who drinks for a living, is eager to suggest hair of the dog.
When Blumer came on stage, the audience was reminded that nobody is more enthusiastic about having fun with food than the guy famously known for converting an Airstream trailer into the Toastermobile for his first show, The Surreal Gourmet, Blumer’s most recent claims to fame are breaking food-related world records on Glutton for Punishment, which just finished its fifth season. His name now appears in the Guinness Book of World Records for seven outrageous stunts, such as making 559 pancakes in one hour. When asked if he was looking to hold the record for the most Guinness records, he said, “No, there’s a guy who has over 100. I’ve got seven now and I’m over that part of the show. I’ll be moving on to other things.” Although he did reveal to the audience that he is considering a project to make the world’s biggest Caesar salad, using a giant hot tub as the bowl and cement mixers to stir the dressing.
When asked the most difficult task he’s had to endure on Glutton for Punishment, he goes on to explain the two separate times he ran the Medoc Marathon in France’s Bordeaux region. Not only does it involve running 26.2 miles, but also stopping along the way to taste wine and eat oysters while still racing. Brauch chimes in sarcastically, “It was so hard, he had to do it twice.”
Both Blumer and Brauch freely interacted with the crowd and held several audience participation segments, including Blumer’s demonstration of cooking a fresh dish of pasta and vegetables faster than a volunteer could heat a can of Spaghetti-o’s. We also got a taste of Blumer’s quirky take on food as he created cupcakes with bright pink “icing” on top that ended up being salmon cakes formed into cupcake moulds and topped with mashed potatoes stained pink with beet juice.
The culmination of the night was Blumer’s re-creation of his world records. With Brauch as their mischievous coach and cheerleader, a team of three audience members competed against Blumer by rapidly cracking eggs with one hand, quickly cutting and skinning onions, and eating single grains of rice with chopsticks. Blumer holds the record for all: 2,071 eggs cracked with one hand in one hour, 50 pounds of onions peeled in 2 minutes 39 seconds, and 134 single grains of rice eaten with chopsticks in three minutes.
Meeting Blumer at the end of the show in a line-up of fans holding his cookbooks, I had a 2010 copy of The Guinness Book of World Records in my hand. In this edition was the declaration that Blumer had set the world record for pancake making, along with a picture of him holding a stack of flapjacks.
“I was wondering if you could sign this page for me?”
While obliging my request, he said, “No one has ever asked me to sign this before. It actually means more to me than my cookbooks.”
Hosting the event were Darrin and Gord from Fresh FM, and during intermission Darrin put it best by saying, “When you listen to these guys and what they do, it just makes you realize how much your job sucks.” Based on their stories from the culinary world, it became clear that these celebrity foodies live more charmed lives than most. I can only guess that when you become known as The Thirsty Traveler, every time you walk into a bar, the drinks will be complimentary just because he has graced your bar with his presence. They may be working on their television shows and on the stage, but their work seems to involve a lot of play which provided a raucous and quirky evening with Blumer’s food and Brauch’s drink.
